Anxious attachment style dating

At first glance, it seems like two anxiously attached individuals or two people with avoidant attachment styles would make good matches.

However, when we look more closely at the unconscious motivations that drive our behavior, we see that these matches have some problems and that we’re much more likely to be attracted to someone with the opposite attachment style.

You craved attention and nurturing, but didn’t receive it. You continue to need a lot of intimacy as a way to quiet your fears.

You question your worth and suspect there’s something wrong with you. According to the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, approximately 50% of adults are securely attached, 25% are avoidant, 20% are anxious, and the remaining 5% are a combination.

In contrast, if you have an anxious attachment style, you tend to feel insecure and need frequent reassurances.

This can feel overly needy to those with secure or avoidant attachment styles. You may find ways to test or manipulate your partner to find out if s/he really loves you.

The anxious person never gets his/her emotional needs met.

S/he is always left wanting more closeness than an avoidantly attached person can give.

And if two anxiously attached people were to date, they would both enjoy the closeness they crave, but may run into trouble due to their sensitivity to rejection and hurt.Securely attached people tend to have happier, longer lasting relationships built on trust.They feel comfortable expressing their feelings and needs.And the avoidant is constantly overwhelmed by someone who’s anxious.As a result, s/he keeps pulling away which activates the anxious person’s fear of rejection and attention seeking behaviors.

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