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The option to choose and choose often.” Most millennials’ moms and dads were raised on good old-fashioned values and encouraged to make decisions and then to stick with them. ) Cultural conditions have actually set us up to fail. Cohen, Ph D, an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at St.They valued things like loyalty, commitment, hard work and dedication. With apps and online dating, everyone’s pool of potential mates has dramatically increased — in theory, anyway. Francis College and co-founder of the Self-Awareness and Bonding Lab, this is definitely the “Paradox of Choice” in action. Cohen says to think about it like this: You are in a town with only one restaurant.I accepted this storyline, but suddenly it wasn’t safe.I was still living in a whirl of confusion and emotional whiplash prompted by his brief exit, which rocked me into a state of fear.I’d never imagined that “I really care about you” could go hand-in-hand with “I’m leaving you,” but I now couldn’t stop associating the two seemingly interconnected contradictions. We had three more months of ups and downs, breakups and makeups (prompted by me), before the final fracture. I never dreamt the relationship ride would be such a rollercoaster.And then, eventually, I started dating again — complete with weird, foreign abandonment issues (no thanks to two still-married parents who still suffocate me with attention). Or I did what my ex did, and I’d bounce whenever I sensed things getting too close, too fast, before the other person had a chance to notice and do the same to me. Heck, I never even thought it’d be a merry-go-round with little dips.

“This leads to dissonance, or uneasiness, and the more important the decision, the greater that dissonance can be,” Cohen says.

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  1. And I could go on and on but I'm lost and don't know anymore what to do?!! When I was 28, I met a guy who completely changed my perception on dating and men in general. But I was so jaded at the time that I figured if he even bothered to call me back for a second date, he'd just expect sex anyway.